Grace Alone

Because God is faithful to respond to prayer (even when you are sometimes half-hearted about them and a little scared of them being answered) and often in unexpected/unlooked for ways, I've been having the opportunity recently to have weekly discussions with some folks regarding our different beliefs about who God is; the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus; our different Scriptures, etc.

I've been grateful to process these conversations with some others, and would love to talk more about any of this with any of you if you're interested, but the one thing I really wanted to share here is how much these conversations have caused me to reflect back on my own testimony and to just glory in the wonder of how far the Lord has brought me.

I don't have a testimony that has ever seemed like much because it's not dramatic on the outside - I wasn't saved out of drugs or alcoholism or any of the things that the world looks at and says "woah, hang on now..." Which I think is part of why it took me so long to really get the gospel -- I wasn't saved from the burden of lots of "badness"...

I was saved from the burden of my "goodness"

I knew and believed who Jesus was from a young age, was thrilled to be baptized by immersion on Easter Sunday at my home church, loved everything about being involved at church, in the choir, camps, mission trips...the whole kit and kaboodle.

I was the epitome of the "good girl." Didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't swear (except occasionally during field hockey games #confessions), didn't sleep with my boyfriend (as though not crossing that line doesn't still leave the opportunity for plenty of regrets), loved my parents, loved my friends, was the mom of the friend group looking out for everyone, participated in Bible study and knew the "right" answers...

I knew Jesus loved me and so I was going to do everything right to make sure I deserved it!

At least on the outside, the things that I knew people could see and expected of me and I should be doing - so say all the nice things but don't worry about the judgmental thoughts in my head and heart or the gossiping with just one friend here or there; don't have sex but don't worry about the other stuff that nobody has to know about and all the lust in my head; and it's pretty easy to not smoke or drink or swear when you just don't try to be real friends with "those" people because, you know, your lives are just so different...

I lived my bubble life mostly contentedly until sophomore year of college when the bubble popped and the sand of my own ability to always get it right crumbled as the foundation of my faith.

And thank the Lord that he was right there with me -- through friends, through the Word, through his Spirit -- ready for me to finally receive his explanation to me of what his grace really means:

I love you.

Not because you try really hard and act "good".

I love you because you are mine.

Mine! 

I see what you hide from others - the things that no one else can know

and I love you and claim you as mine.

You can't earn this.

You could work yourself to exhaustion every day and not have "done" enough to earn this.

Let go of that burden.

Don't worry that I'll leave you where you are,

you know yourself and you're right that you're broken,

you're right that you have growing to do

but you don't have to do it yourself!

If you will just let yourself be hidden up in Jesus

and just seek to love me

and to know me

I will change you.

I won't stop the work I've started in you,

and you could never guess where I'll take you anyway

so why are you fighting so hard to do what you think is right?

My plan is so much bigger than yours --

I just need you to finally trust me enough to believe me about grace...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I still relapse sometimes - into legalism, into believing it is works-based righteousness...but it is getting more rare.

Because oh the life-changing FREEDOM that is grace in Jesus.


*I wanted to share this song that is just it for me right now - spot on, yes.

This is a cover of the original, but it's my favorite version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z2on2bhXOY  (if the link doesn't work, search "King's Kaleidoscope Grace Alone" on youtube)

Here are the lyrics:

I was an orphan, lost at the fall; Running away when I'd hear you call, But Father, you worked your will.

I had no righteousness of my own I had no right to draw near your throne, But Father, you loved me still. And in love, before you laid the world's foundation, You predestined to adopt me as your own. You have raised me up so high above my station; I'm a child of God by grace, and grace alone You left your home to seek out the lost; You knew the great and terrible cost But Jesus, your face was set. I worked my fingers down to the bone; But nothing I did could ever atone, But Jesus, you paid my debt. By your blood I have redemption and salvation. Lord you died that I might reap what you have sown, And you rose that I might be a new creation. I am born again by grace, and grace alone. I was in darkness all of my life, I never knew the day from the night, But Spirit, you made me see. I swore I knew the way on my own; Head full of rocks, a heart made of stone But Spirit, you moved in me. And at your touch my sleeping spirit was awakened; On my darkened heart the light of Christ has shone. Called into a kingdom that cannot be shaken; Heaven's citizen by grace, and grace alone. So I'll stand in faith by grace, and grace alone I will run the race by grace, and grace alone I will slay my sin by grace, and grace alone I will reach the end by grace, and grace alone

Amen and glory to Jesus for the work that he has done and is continuing!

*as I mentioned towards the beginning, I'd love to talk to you if any of this makes you wonder, question, or just want to chat. 

Love to each of you!