Recently we took a weekend trip up to Paris to visit some friends before they return home to the states, having finished their stint year with Agape...I have learned it is normal (and often necessary and/or therapeutic) to compare notes with other folks who have picked up and moved to a different country for whatever the reason, so one of our friends asked us what has been the biggest or most unexpected culture shock for us.
My answer was the language barrier. And you may chuckle at me to hear that because it's like "um, Kel, you were moving to FRANCE where they speak FRENCH and you've never learned french in your life...did you not see that one coming??"
And you would be right to laugh at me because I laugh at me! And if you were a part of any of my verbal-processing-outpourings in the days and weeks before we moved, you know that I was indeed aware of the language change and that I was preparing to approach it as my job to learn the new language. So how could the language barrier still be my biggest and most unexpected culture shock?
I knew the language wouldn't be the same. But I was completely and totally not seeing the big picture. That language is not just this one piece of life that everything else can keep cruising without. Language is one of the keys to everything.
Language is not just words - it is communication.
And communication...well, to an extroverted, people-loving, people-needing, external-processing TALKER like myself, communication is the foundation of everything.
And it is so very very humbling to be without it.
You know me, I am all about the emotions and I feel lots of them and I feel them often :) All of the following emotions have been felt in the past 4 months: joy, fear, relief, physical exhaustion, gratitude, mental fatigue, hope, depression, contentment, nervousness, grief, love, adventureness (?), defeat, victory, welcome, homesickness, worry, worship, selfishness, grace, discouragement, encouragement, guilt, sadness, confidence, conviction, determination...but the best word to sum up everything I've experienced and learned so far is humility.
- It is humbling to slow down the checkout line because you don't understand the process and what is being said to you about what you need to do
- It is humbling to cry in front of strangers because you are overwhelmed (even for me!)
- It is humbling to to be singled out as the one who can't understand and to require special assistance
- It is humbling for grocery trips to take over an hour and require lapping the store 3 times, google translate, and finally texting a friend for help trying to find an item, because you are too nervous to try to ask an employee because what if you can't say it right to ask
- It is humbling to be reminded that life goes on without you at the places that you used to be a part of, that you used to be a functioning cog of the process
- It is humbling to try to figure out if you can offer anything as a cog in a new process
- It is humbling to lose pieces of identity or personality - humbling to realize what idols things had become in your life or what stock you put in being "the leader" or "the teacher" or "the center of attention" or "the funny one" or "the head of the mofia phone tree who always got everyone rallied to do fun things" - humbling to realize that it's a challenge to do those things without being able to speak
- It is humbling to feel forgotten
- It is humbling to confidently speak to a server and have them stare back in utter lack of comprehension
- It is humbling to be unwilling to knock on the neighbors' doors because you just don't feel up to trying to have a conversation in french about mice, and humbling to feel proud about successfully writing notes in french to those neighbors --(even typing that is humbling -- Why did I feel proud of writing notes?? Come on, Kelly, be brave and not so scared of having to talk, for goodness sake! What's the worst that can happen by knocking on the neighbor's door?)
- It is humbling to try to talk to the young daughters of your minister and to be so sweetly comforted by the elder's "c'est pas grave" ("that's okay, it's not a big deal") when the little one speaks french you can't understand so you have to tell them "je suis desole je ne parle pas beaucoup francais" ("i'm sorry I don't speak a lot of french")
And so many other examples!
But y'all, living a life that humbles you is also really beautiful. Because what I have learned is that the humility I have been forced into has been sweeping out a lot of junk that I didn't want in me anyway - pride, self-righteousness, arrogance, self-centeredness...
The humility has been sweeping out junk and making room for a spirit of gratitude and grace.
A spirit that is learning a little more every day what it actually means to believe God when he says that his grace is sufficient for us.
A spirit that is learning a little more every day to not take things so much for granted.
To be grateful for the text or email that means I'm thought of,
To be grateful when I order food successfully at a boulangerie without getting the server out of their rhythm by not understanding me,
To be grateful for the people who go out of their way to offer help or translation or explanation,
To be grateful for the strengthened marriage foundation we've laid by doing something really hard in our first year,
To be grateful for the technology that makes real-time, real-relationship-building communication possible with my littles,
To be grateful for the sanctifying that will make me a more welcoming person to people who are far from the life they know,
To be grateful for the global and local Body of Christ,
To be grateful for the challenge of being pushed to figure out new ways I can serve,
To be grateful for this day. And to embrace the humility.
Y'all, it's such a rollercoaster ride. But God is so faithful! And each day is so worth it.
My answer was the language barrier. And you may chuckle at me to hear that because it's like "um, Kel, you were moving to FRANCE where they speak FRENCH and you've never learned french in your life...did you not see that one coming??"
And you would be right to laugh at me because I laugh at me! And if you were a part of any of my verbal-processing-outpourings in the days and weeks before we moved, you know that I was indeed aware of the language change and that I was preparing to approach it as my job to learn the new language. So how could the language barrier still be my biggest and most unexpected culture shock?
I knew the language wouldn't be the same. But I was completely and totally not seeing the big picture. That language is not just this one piece of life that everything else can keep cruising without. Language is one of the keys to everything.
Language is not just words - it is communication.
And communication...well, to an extroverted, people-loving, people-needing, external-processing TALKER like myself, communication is the foundation of everything.
And it is so very very humbling to be without it.
You know me, I am all about the emotions and I feel lots of them and I feel them often :) All of the following emotions have been felt in the past 4 months: joy, fear, relief, physical exhaustion, gratitude, mental fatigue, hope, depression, contentment, nervousness, grief, love, adventureness (?), defeat, victory, welcome, homesickness, worry, worship, selfishness, grace, discouragement, encouragement, guilt, sadness, confidence, conviction, determination...but the best word to sum up everything I've experienced and learned so far is humility.
- It is humbling to slow down the checkout line because you don't understand the process and what is being said to you about what you need to do
- It is humbling to cry in front of strangers because you are overwhelmed (even for me!)
- It is humbling to to be singled out as the one who can't understand and to require special assistance
- It is humbling for grocery trips to take over an hour and require lapping the store 3 times, google translate, and finally texting a friend for help trying to find an item, because you are too nervous to try to ask an employee because what if you can't say it right to ask
- It is humbling to be reminded that life goes on without you at the places that you used to be a part of, that you used to be a functioning cog of the process
- It is humbling to try to figure out if you can offer anything as a cog in a new process
- It is humbling to lose pieces of identity or personality - humbling to realize what idols things had become in your life or what stock you put in being "the leader" or "the teacher" or "the center of attention" or "the funny one" or "the head of the mofia phone tree who always got everyone rallied to do fun things" - humbling to realize that it's a challenge to do those things without being able to speak
- It is humbling to feel forgotten
- It is humbling to confidently speak to a server and have them stare back in utter lack of comprehension
- It is humbling to be unwilling to knock on the neighbors' doors because you just don't feel up to trying to have a conversation in french about mice, and humbling to feel proud about successfully writing notes in french to those neighbors --(even typing that is humbling -- Why did I feel proud of writing notes?? Come on, Kelly, be brave and not so scared of having to talk, for goodness sake! What's the worst that can happen by knocking on the neighbor's door?)
- It is humbling to try to talk to the young daughters of your minister and to be so sweetly comforted by the elder's "c'est pas grave" ("that's okay, it's not a big deal") when the little one speaks french you can't understand so you have to tell them "je suis desole je ne parle pas beaucoup francais" ("i'm sorry I don't speak a lot of french")
And so many other examples!
But y'all, living a life that humbles you is also really beautiful. Because what I have learned is that the humility I have been forced into has been sweeping out a lot of junk that I didn't want in me anyway - pride, self-righteousness, arrogance, self-centeredness...
The humility has been sweeping out junk and making room for a spirit of gratitude and grace.
A spirit that is learning a little more every day what it actually means to believe God when he says that his grace is sufficient for us.
A spirit that is learning a little more every day to not take things so much for granted.
To be grateful for the text or email that means I'm thought of,
To be grateful when I order food successfully at a boulangerie without getting the server out of their rhythm by not understanding me,
To be grateful for the people who go out of their way to offer help or translation or explanation,
To be grateful for the strengthened marriage foundation we've laid by doing something really hard in our first year,
To be grateful for the technology that makes real-time, real-relationship-building communication possible with my littles,
To be grateful for the sanctifying that will make me a more welcoming person to people who are far from the life they know,
To be grateful for the global and local Body of Christ,
To be grateful for the challenge of being pushed to figure out new ways I can serve,
To be grateful for this day. And to embrace the humility.
Y'all, it's such a rollercoaster ride. But God is so faithful! And each day is so worth it.
